If you’ve visited the seashore, you know that the tide goes in or out – high tide or low tide. Relationships are like that too. When the tide is out, you can get disconnected from your partner. You feel emotionally distant or annoyed or even angry.

What makes the tide go out? Fighting and misunderstanding are the main causes.

One of the most important things in our relationships is to feel connected, seen, heard, and loved. How can we bring the tide back in?

I’ll never forget the conference where I attended a talk by Evan Imber-Black, author of The Secret Life of Families. In a large room with over 200 people in attendance, she asked us all to close our eyes, reflect, and think. She then asked, “What is a secret you are keeping from yourself?”

In the podcast I ask you to ask yourself this question. The answer might feel scary since the secret might be about your low-tide relationship. You might be thinking:

• “I don’t feel loved by my partner.”
• “I don’t feel loving towards my partner.”
• “I don’t have the adult relationship that I want.”

Instead of feeling fear about this secret unmet need in your relationship, try to get curious instead. By uncovering the unmet needs in your relationship, you will open the door to the conversations you need to have with your partner in order to feel connected again.

When the tide is “out” in your relationship, somebody has to show up differently to start the recovery process. The good news is, that somebody can be you. If you work too hard to protect yourself, you won’t be able to give or receive love. Instead, showing up consistently as calm, curious, and caring will help settle the dust of disconnection.